Hey there, dear reader!
It’s been a while.
I know, I know. I took forever and I know, I know. You were all just refreshing the page anxiously awaiting my return. But I am finally back with yet another post about yet another reason I fail at life.
I will not say I’ve been busy because that’s a ridiculous excuse.
If anything I’ve been busy procrastinating and anxiety catting all over the place, too nervous to even write a single thing.
Why, you ask?
Well, let me explain. Sometimes during this existential year I’m having (*cough* more like existential life *cough*), I get in what I scientifically classify as a FUNK.
Now, what is a this so-called “funk”? And is it a serious condition?
A funk is a period of time in which you are too stuck in your own head, feeling too many feels and overthinking everything around you, to be an actual human being.
Had to research grad schools today? … NOT HAPPENING.
Had to file taxes? … YEAH, RIGHT.
Had actual plans with actual real life people? … I DON’T THINK SO, ASSHOLE.
Yup. This is my life.
During funk moments I become a total and absolute #FAILWHALE. Yeah, I have stuff to do and, yeah, I have plans, but none of that is getting done today because Mafe, my friend, you are in a funk.
A funk can manifest itself in many ways. Its symptoms include:
- Running away from problems in a rapid, flailing fashion.
- Hiding in a closet, or otherwise enclosed space, while in fetal position, crying because your favorite ship was just destroyed forever.
- Binge watching 1, 2 or even 3 series on Netflix depending on the season, time of day and choice of tea.
- Eating way too much cookie dough because you are too lazy to actually bake it.
- Watching anime while in the bath for so long even your butt cheeks start to get wrinkly.
Side Note: In extreme cases, a funk can even reach ULTIMATE FUNK LEVELS. Moments in which not even a well-timed Harry Potter weekend marathon on Freeform (R.I.P. ABC Family, you beautiful caterpillar), or Kim Soo Hyun’s beautiful face can assuage. It can be so funky not even a large earl gray bubble tea with extra boba can break it.
Funks come in six basic parts:
1. Avoidance, in which you try to ignore the funk to your own detriment.
I am fine. Everything’s fine. We are all fine. At least we have pizza.
2. Irritability, in which you can’t even.
Argh, I suck. Everything sucks. We all suck. I want to punch myself in the shins.
3. Compromise, in which you actually think you’re in control.
Maybe if I just watch one more episode of LOST I’ll feel better.
Twelve episodes later… All I need is to finish the season and then I’ll be solid.
Three seasons later… I might as well just finish the whole show, then I can be a real person again.
End of show… WHY DO I EVEN BOTHER?
4. Self-deprecation, a.k.a. “I am a horrible human being,” The Movie.
Forgot to call my grandma… I am the worst.
Left my laptop charger at home and only have 10% battery… What is my life?
Broke my only black color pencil… Who do I think I am??
Accidentally dropped the last glazed donut on the floor… Why are you his way? WHY?!
5. Feels, in which you just crumble from all the emotions.
Maybe I should just get a job at a bank. I mean, look at all these banks everywhere. And who decides to be a writer anyway? Would I even amount to anything? Am I even any good? Why can’t I ever think of a good synonym?? Gaaaah, my dreams are over! Besides my youth is slipping away like a tiny tropical fish swimming away from a bigger, scarier-looking tropical fish. I’m so old. I don’t even get text slang anymore. Oh my god! My best years are behind me. Even my back hurts. I can’t do a single cartwheel to save my life and I need to eat more fiber in my breakfast, but I can’t even do that right…
6. Acceptance, in which you finally get it.
Okay, you are in a funk, dude. Get it together. It will be alright.
It’s a rollercoaster of emotions.
But just as suddenly as it comes, it also ends. Sometimes it only takes a moment – a bit of luck and pixie dust and it’s over. The funk passes and you feel like a functional member of society again, ready to grab life by the unicorn horn and fly through a rainbow in a flurry of glittery promises and unbounded optimism. It’s as if all that repressed happiness comes flooding out like a cascade of confetti.
Maybe this has happened to you too, or maybe I am just a wonderful cocktail of totally insane and slightly neurotic. Maybe this happens to me because I am so stupidly sensitive, but if anyone out there has ever been in a funk, I feel you, bro. And you know what? It’s okay. It’s totally okay.
It’s okay to sometimes feel shitty. That doesn’t make anyone a horrible person. Sometimes life gets you down and your emotions get the best of you.
But when it happens and we can’t seem to look past our own limitations without being our harshest critics, instead of judging, we should learn to be kind to ourselves. We should learn to love and appreciate who we are and not be bogged down by our so-called insufficiencies. At least that’s what I’m trying to do, even though I still fail at it most of the time.
I think we should try to listen to ourselves a little more. We are all just trying to navigate the chaos of human emotions, relationships and adulthood without driving ourselves mad.
So, take a moment and give yourself a hug, light a pine-scented candle, grab some wine and cut yourself a break.
Because you will get out of that funk. You will survive the swampy wallowing waters and emerge victorious like a magnificent mermaid queen.